A Halo Called Fred

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Brushwood Thicket Farmer kitchenware, toys, broken cymbals and other random percussion on a cardtable, vocals, audio production Brushwood is actually the secret love child of Janis Joplin and Walter Cronkite. Shipped away to be raised in the mountains by a pack of wild kittens, Brushwood crawled down the mountain at the age of ten and received work in a sweat shop forging copies of Beetle Bailey for the KGB. After the demise of the KGB, Brushwood moved to New Brunswick to write sketch comedy for WRSU radio, where he met Geverend.	Geverend Dee guitars, vocals, computers, and toys. From the spiraling depths of the End of All Things, there came a Halo. And that Halo lay dying. And in Its death It shot back through time; throughout all existence. And as It emerged, there came the points of light that defined Its circle. And thus was Geverend Dee created, henceforth bound unto the Halo until Its fading -- A temporal Sisyphus, doomed to endure the recursive path the Halo had chosen. And the void of the doom was filled with a profound silliness of over-articulated gibberish, needless profanity, and empty allegory shooting the awesome power of the Halo out to the masses. And the Halo smiled.	Jim Bob Rubbernecker bass, occasional keyboards & singing Jim Bob was the product of a one night stand by saxophone player and a dairy farmer in Bottlebreak, Wisconsin. He spent his adolescence selling ash trays made from Bee Gee's 45s at Paul Anka and Willie Nelson concerts. At the time Geverend found him, he was working on a plan to reunite the Marx Brothers through electronic music.
Gerrymiah T. Bullfrog another guitar Gerrymiah T. Bullfrog denies all rumors that he was raised by a harem of eunuchs in Honk Kong. He started playing guitar at the age of 2 and by the age of 6 he could mimic the guitar solos in every Judas Priest song. Gerrymiah denies all rumors he has been married 6 times to random North American shrubbery.	Tiny bass, banjo Tiny is not. And yet, he is.	The Adhesive Queen bass In every generation, there is an Adhesive Queen. One girl in all the world to stand alone against the forces of darkness, and occasionally play bass.
	Invisible Friend Chester Cosmic Vibes Chester is invisible and always stands to the right of Geverend.

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In 1992, cartoonist Melvin Toast fails to publish the questionable comic strip "A Halo Called Fred" in any newspaper. The true Halo Called Fred, a mystical power beyond all understanding, splits Melvin Toast into 3 entities: Geverend Dee, his invisible friend Chester, and Brushwood Thicket Farmer. Toast's essence still can be tapped via seance.

A two acoustic guitar band is formed. Brushwood, quickly frustrated with guitar, instead bangs on items such as kitchenware, plastic containers and cookie tins to Geverend's guitar. Chester plays an invisible instrument without audible sound. Brushwood vows to avoid real drums.

The ghost of Melvin Toast names the band after his aborted comic strip. Other bands with the word "Fred" briefly disturb their resolve, but the True Halo guides their will. The mysterious Adhesive Queen is recruited as bass player. Several shows are played. Converts call themselves "Fred-Heds".

In 1993, the legendary first demo is released. The Adhesive Queen quits because Halo does not play enough Blondie covers. Bass player Jim Bob Rubbernecker is kicked out of an 80s-style metal band for not having the correct facial hair. He is welcomed into the Halo, where all hair is free.

A Halo Called Fred is sighted over many clubs, coffeehouses, and weird sex events. In their secret mountain lair, Halo records the instant classic "Chester's Dozen" using the newfangled method of computers and hard disks.

In 1994, Jim Bob "uploads" Halo songs onto the newfangled "internets", causing Halo to shine over converts worldwide. Several national magazines bow before them. Jim Bob's roommate begins recording new Halo songs. Then a malignant force destroys him. The EP "Body Parts and Flying Things" is the only proof of his existence.

Halo hires a manager. Then a malignant force destroys him.

Gerrymiah T. Bullfrog (who played Rush covers in High School with Jim Bob) joins Halo as a second guitar player in 1995. "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band" is recorded by the drummer of Ween. It is quickly referred to as the "the greatest album ever made".

Halo saves the band King Missile from destruction by a malignant force. As a reward, Halo is allowed to open for them.

By 1999, "Necessity is the Motherfucker of Invention" is completed in Brushwood's bedroom using his Mac clone, even as Jim Bob finds he must leave Halo to complete his quest around the planet and beyond. The mysterious Tiny (who played Rush covers in High School with Jim Bob) senses his bass is needed in Halo.

Melvin Toast's malignant spirit unexpectedly returns to claim the physical forms of Geverend and Brushwood. A great battle ensues. Destruction and chaos. Lives are lost!

A deal is struck whereby Melvin Toast (once again allowed to walk the Earth) must wear the mystical Gauntlets of Fred on his wrists. When A Halo Called Fred is truly needed to save humanity… when they are indeed the last hope for Planet Earth… he need only strike the two Gauntlets together, speak the words "Fneeebort In Excelsis!" ...and Geverend and Brushwood will live again!!

Geverend's invisible friend Chester remains... unseen.

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