1. The personal lives of members are such that public performances interfere with the delicate balance between their ability to write new material and live their fragile little lives. You are all responsible for this and should punish each other accordingly. Or perhaps celebrate yahoo.
2. The Halo do occasionally stick their cowardly little necks out of their dark, dank caves and make a few noises. They are also very hungry. Feed them if you see them but throw the food so as to not to damage your fingers with their teeth.
3. The Halo are always only a few inches away from licking their own brains.
4. It's all a lie. The Halo broke up years ago and now is just a bunch of clones created by some evil corporation who are pretending to be the Halo. The original members are actually living in Utah building a potato powered car.
5. They're really all smart chimps with sex changes.
6. Frank Zappa is still alive and residing somewhere in Mexico.
7. The Sgt. Pepper idea was stolen from the wildly successful fifties band, The Toilet Farts.
8. Halo and Ludicrous Records are covering up for all the murders Brushwood Thicket Farmer is responsible for.
9. Jim Bob Rubbernecker had his heart replaced with that of a cow. He sometimes moos at night.
10. Geverend Dee is a lesbian trapped in a man's body.
11. Gerrymiah's dream is to be a plumber. Or a florist. He switches daily.
12. I. F. Chester once had Christmas dinner with Stalin, Tito and a mechanical bull named Bill.
13. An allergy to plastics has led the band to experimenting with such classic fabrics as cotton.
14. Englebert Humpherdick.
15. Englebert Humperdinck's favorite band is A Halo Named Steve, the well known Australian band.
16. A woman named Betsy from Iowa wants to legally change her name to Fred.
17. B.T.F. has silicone implants. But no one knows where.
18. God is Gerrymiah's soda jerk. He likes pistachio cremes. They're green.
19. Geverend Dee has had death masks made of all his leftover lasagna.
20. Karen Crouch.
21. Jeder der das Halo anhoert wird langsam verrueckt. Und blau mit rosa Klecksen. Ha ha ha ha ha.
22. The Halo are collectively cannibalistic vegetarians. Crunch!
23. Brushwood shares his love of lightbulbs with his menagerie of farm animals which he keeps in a shoebox under his bed.
24. RUN! WHILE I STILL CAN!!!
25. The Halo really wants your sex. Leave your name, number, and flavor at the sound of the beep.

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